A Rare Swiftie's Musings on The Tortured Poet's Department: The Anthology
Like almost every other Swiftie, I cannot stop listening to the Tortured Poet’s Department. It’s borderline obsessive. The lyrical depth has me in a chokehold, and I continue to unravel new thoughts, feelings, and insights with each listen.
Living with a rare disease, I look at life through a unique lens, so I analyze Taylor Swift’s lyrics through this lens.
I often consider a rare disease diagnosis as a sort of heartbreak, although slower and lifelong (in my case). I was diagnosed with Friedreich’s ataxia and have painstakingly gone through the five stages of grief. It’s not grieving the loss of a love, but the loss of a future you once dreamed of and a present that doesn’t really feel like yours.
Of course, I can also look at Taylor’s lyrics through the lens of literal heartbreak (ahem…Could someone give a message to the Smallest Man Who Ever Lived?), but I’m only going to talk about grieving a difficult diagnosis here.
(You can read My Diagnosis Story, here).
I Can Do It With a Broken Heart
This song deeply encapsulates the feeling of putting on a grinning, brave face for the world, even when you’re dying inside.
“I cry a lot, but I am so productive. It’s an art.”
I could write a dissertation on why it’s such a problem that basically the entire female population finds this line so relatable. In the life of this rare disease girl, it’s an ART I have successfully mastered. I wrote about the power of strength and sensitivity in my last post, you can read about it here. Hint: I do cry a lot and it’s my superpower.
“And I’m pissed off you let me give you all of that youth for free”
I recently posted an Instagram Reel where I shared this quote is what I would tell my grief after my diagnosis. I know it is just the way I coped, but I really wish I did a few things differently after my diagnosis; I talk more about that here.
“A greater woman has faith
But even statues crumble if they're made to wait”
And
“Spending my last coin so someone will tell me
It'll be ok”
“I'm lonely but I'm good
I'm bitter but I swear I'm fine
I'll save all my romanticism for my inner life and I'll get lost on purpose”
But Daddy I Love Him
“I’ll tell you something right now, I’d rather burn my whole life down
Than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning.”
On a lighter note, this is how I feel when healthy, able-bodied people complain about the most minor inconveniences (e.g. a broken elevator forcing them to walk up 2 flights of stairs…) I absolutely cannot stand the self-absorption when I would give anything to be in their shoes; I know many chronically ill and disabled people would agree.
These are just a few of many lines I resonate with from TTPD when I use my ‘Rare Disease Lens’ What about you?? Did you have any takeaways?
